Let me begin by telling you how I got to Haiti in the first place. My good friend, Adrian Pena, invited me to go to Haiti last year. I prayed about it and I wanted to go, but I felt that God didn’t want me to go. I didn’t fully understand why but I knew it wasn’t in God’s plan. Almost a year later, I went to Basecamp and I heard Felix talk about the Haiti Trip. The moment he began to talk about it, I felt God’s call to go. My heart jumped with joy and anticipation. I knew that God wanted me to go this year. I wasn’t supposed to go last year for the very purpose of going this year.
I was very excited but unsure of what to expect. I knew I would be on the medical team, but was unsure of my role. I had no idea about what God had in store.
Haiti has been a difficult trip for me. God chose to raise many questions that troubled me. You may have read of the difficult things we saw on the medical team on Angie’s post. We saw so many children with so many problems and we had so little to offer. I felt small and useless, I wanted to see these kids have health and hope. Where is the promise of Jeremiah 29:11 (I know the plans I have for you, not harm you but to prosper you…) in the life of starving children? I felt helpless and I wondered what good was I bringing to the people I was in contact with. Angie, Ginger, Alexis and I had a series of difficult conversations where we shared a mix of frustration, encouragement and questions left unanswered.
God then revealed 3 things to me through the scriptures. I read Romans 12:1-8 where God taught me that the only thing I can do, in the face of all the suffering and needs I have seen, is to give my life to him as a fragrant offering. I cannot “fix” Haiti, but I can give my life to God and live to serve Him. I feel that Romans 12:1 is the great commission of my life. Seconds later, I read the passage preceding Romans 12, The Doxology (see below). I was so filled with awe at how great God is. He is truly above any comprehension and beyond anything I could ever know or see. He knows my pains, He knows the pains of all the people of Haiti and He hurts with us. He knows what he’s doing and I am blessed that He has considered me worthy to be a part of his plan. Finally, I recalled the passage of Mary and Martha. Martha was worried about so many things but Mary knew what was most important. I wanted to fix the problems I saw, I wanted to bring health to every sick child I saw, I wanted to feed every hungry person I saw, I wanted to cloth every person without clothes. These are all important, but while I worried over so many things, God reminded me of what was most important. God was telling me to show his love to every child that came to get a check up. The next day was still difficult, but I know that The love of God was on me and I felt overwhelming compassion towards the people that we saw.
Maybe I had a tough time on this trip because I never saw the results of my service. I only saw more needs than I could possibly meet. I ended up doing a lot of thinking. And I don’t feel that I made close connections with individuals here like I did when I was in Cuba. It sounds so ridiculous that I came all the way to Haiti and all I was able to do was think. Yet, it was why God had called me on this trip. To realize that His love is custom tailored for every person in this world. The suffering I saw was more than I could bear at times, and the things God taught me were more then I could comprehend. Yet, I have seen things I cannot un-see, and God has been holding my hand the whole time.
So this has been without a doubt the most difficult trip I have ever been on. But I praise God for these pains, because His love has overcome and like Mary, I have found what is most important.
Oh the Depth of the Riches of Wisdom
and Knowledge of God!
How unsearchable his Judgements,
and his paths beyond tracing out!
Who has known the mid of the Lord?
Or who has been his counselor?
Who has ever given to God,
That God should repay him?
For from him and through him and to him
are all things
To him be the Glory forever! Amen.
Romans 11: 33-36